I feel defeated, yet I don’t want to cry

Feven Ketema, an Ethiopian actress, is interviewed. I used to be terrified, remarked artist Feven, but now I don’t want to cry because I feel defeated. I have experienced feelings of failure and hopelessness before. I can honestly state that I have enough life experience to last two lifetimes, despite numerous failed relationships, lifelong physical, sexual, and mental abuse, two bankruptcies, and a recent internet company loss (2020) October. I’ll admit there have been a lot of instances when I just wanted it to be over. On a lot of days, I wasn’t sure how much more I should consume. My most recent loss has left me speechless. Three years of arduous labour were for nothing. Due to my deafness, I experience defeat practically daily. I’m 58 years old and do not want to start over, but I am powerless to stop. I’ve got a plan in place. This place is familiar to me. It’s unpleasant, disorganized, annoying, stressful, and draining. Every morning when I get up, I find it difficult to get motivated to use my computer. Truthfully, I don’t feel like doing anything; I just want to cry on my bed. All day, I get waves of intense anxiousness. They came at me suddenly, hard, and quickly. I want to get sick, curl up, and die. I want someone to reassure me that everything is just a nightmare and that things will return to normal in the morning. It won’t occur. And I compel myself to get to work and begin a fresh day.

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