I married the kind of guy I would have enjoyed having ice cream or a beer with. He was my buddy. I never did, though, and I discarded the idea as “impossible” once I reached maturity. It is possible to fall head over heels, though. Since the concept of “best friends becoming lovers” is so well-known, we could neglect the necessity of confirming that we are indeed in love with our best friend and not just the idea of being in love. Falling in love with your best friend is wonderful when you’re actually in love. However, it matters whether butterflies are there or not. When we were repairing our marriage, my therapist would advise me to think back to those original crush feelings. But they weren’t there. Rather than marrying someone, I was crazy about, I wed someone with whom I felt comfortable. You can always get “comfortable” with someone, but, from what I’ve observed, you either adore them or you don’t. The person you love is ultimately you. The peaceful moments of my first night alone in a big, empty house were when I finally realized the truth I’d been trying to avoid—that I’m in this alone. All of us. The two ex-lovers are by themselves. No matter how reliable or perfect they may be, nobody owes us their presence in our life.
